Archives for posts with tag: kindness

Time to Be Kind!

January 21, 2011 //
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Okay, it’s time!  It’s time to let go of your need to be right.  It’s time to release your need to feel superior.  It’s time to stop being judgmental towards those who think differently from you.  It’s time to notice when someone upsets you so you can allow your negative emotion to evaporate away.  It’s time to be kind.

The Dalai Lama has it right – he says his religion is kindness – period.  That ubiquitous commercial asks us “what’s in your wallet?”  I’m asking you “what’s in your consciousness?”  Is it kindness?  If not, time to get some religion Dalai Lama style!

By the way – whether you realize it or not – you do have some kind of “religion”.  By that, I mean you hold a set of beliefs about the world and how it works.  You have a worldview that drives your decisions and actions whether you are a member of an “organized religion” or not and whether you believe in God or not.  That worldview is your “religion”.

Does your religion allow you to “be kind” to those who believe differently from you?  Folks, we are talking the “Golden Rule” here – do onto others as you would have them do onto you.  Treat others like you want to be treated.  Sounds good until someone pushes our buttons.

Okay – who pushes your buttons?  From my observations, depending upon your particular beliefs, here some known button pushers:

  • Anyone on Fox news
  • Anyone on MSNBC
  • Anyone who says Sarah Palin was responsible for the Arizona tragedy
  • Anyone who protests at funerals
  • Sarah Palin
  • President Obama
  • Anyone who has to describe healthcare reform as “Obamacare”
  • Fundamentalist Christians
  • Fundamentalist Muslims
  • Scientists who mock religion
  • Militant atheists
  • Fanatic NRA supporters
  • Those who want to take “our guns” away
  • Palestinians
  • Israelites
  • Anyone making too much money
  • People asking me for money on the street
  • “The powers to be”
  • Republicans
  • Democrats
  • Male chauvinists who objectify women
  • People with tattoos
  • Kids riding skateboards on the sidewalk
  • People who are “in our country” illegally
  • People who want to build a wall between the US and Mexico
  • People who cut you off in traffic
  • Loud people in restaurants
  • People talking on cell phones in elevators
  • People who brag
  • … I could keep going but you get the picture…

 

Did you find someone in this list that pushes your buttons?  I know I did.  How can you move to kindness in regards to these people?  How can you have your buttons pushed and still live by the Golden Rule?

First, let me be very clear, I am neither condoning nor asking you to condone any inappropriate behavior.  Nor am I asking you to be any kind of doormat that allows people to walk all over you.  You can be kind while maintaining healthy boundaries towards people who act differently or are unkind.

Here are some simple steps (which I admit are not necessarily easy) to move you into greater levels of kindness:

Be aware:  Notice who upsets you.  Recognize the situations and people who take you away from your inclination to be kind.

Pause before acting: Don’t jump to any normal negative reaction.  Consciously create a small gap in time between the upsetting situation and your reaction.  This small gap is like hitting the pause button giving you time to choose.

Consciously choose kindness: Ask yourself no matter what the situation, if I were the other person, how what I want to be treated?  What is the most loving, honoring response in this situation?  You can still give your opinion, you can still disagree – but your response even in such cases can be kind.  Wayne Dyer says that when he’s given a choice between being right and being kind, he finds the best choice is always to be kind.  I agree.

If each of us could practice these simple steps and be kind towards one another, then we could move away from this angry political rhetoric and violent behavior that has risen in our country in the recent past.  Some of you may be thinking “well, it sounds good, but I’m not going to be kind while the other person is being mean”.  If you’re waiting on the other person to go first, kindness might not happen.  They might be waiting on you!  But whether they are or not, it takes someone to be brave enough to go first.

Be brave!  Be kind!  The time is now!  The choice is yours…

Blessings.

Mark Gilbert

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Categories Bridge Building, Featured Article, Politics

Moving from Rudeness to Kindness

June 14, 2010 //
2

Have you been wondering about the level of rudeness in America and what can be done about it? I know I have. 

Lately I have written and spoken about my concerns with TV news programs that don’t so much have a reasoned discussion around an important issue but rather set up a contentious argument between two people who hold positions on the far extremes of the topic. It seems that rather than want to enlighten us on the nuances of the topic at hand, they would rather entertain us with a heated argument. Of course, behind the debate is the question as to why we choose to watch such nonsense. I know that I turn it off but a lot of folks must be tuning in. 

The September 27, 2009, issue of the Christian Science Monitor had an interesting article entitled “America the Boorish?” that looked at the string of high profile incidents of rudeness….one congressman’s yelling out at the President during his speech, a tennis player screaming at a US Open line judge, and a musician who hopped up and interrupted an MTV award winner to grab the microphone to extol the virtues of a “non-winner”. The Monitor pondered if we were entering into some “new age of incivility”. Sometimes it sure seems that way.  Since that article appeared, I would be hard pressed to say that things have gotten better.  We can probably all add our own personal experiences of rudeness… Yet, I know things can improve….

I know that what we focus on grows, that “what we resists, persists”. However, I also know that we need to experience what we don’t truly want sometimes so that we can choose to turn our energy to what we do want.  There is our key for improving the epidemic of rudeness…we turn our attention and focus on kindness….we see now that an epidemic of kindness is breaking out.

So as I look at these things that I believe are not representative of the highest possibilities of us as a people, I now turn to and desire to focus my energy on what I believe is our best direction. And what is that? My list of what I value at the moment looks like this…..

I value treating everyone else with kindness even if it means letting go of “being right”.

I value news programs that recognize that most issues are complex and we need to understand those complexities so we can make our own informed decisions.

I value commentators and programs that strive to present all aspects of a topic in a manner that ensures the dignity and humanity of those presenting their opinions.

I value politicians that seek to ensure respect for all humanity first and foremost, even above their own opinions.

I value athletes who place the dignity of the game, sportsmanship and care and concern for everyone playing above their own winning.

I value entertainers who celebrate the success and positive creative expression of all other entertainers.

I value the vast diversity of life that shows up the wide array of political opinions and the multiplicity of creative expressions.

I value anything that “expresses more Life and harms no one.”

I’m sure we could all add to this list. The question is….after you turn from the boorish behavior that has given us the gift of seeing what we don’t want, what do you want? What do you value? Give it your energy.

 Blessings, 

Mark

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Categories Featured Article, Positive Evolution, Spirituality

I Love Humanity, Its People That Challenge Me

March 16, 2010 //
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I love you, now move on please...

I love you, now move on please....

 

The other day, I was in a very beautiful place.  I started my day with my usual meditation, got into my writing, felt the flow of oneness moving through my words.  I truly felt connected to Spirit.  Then I went out in “the real world.” 

I got my chocolate lab, Harmony, and I drove over to the library.  After parking and then approaching the entrance, a man came up to me and asked me to sign a petition to get a proposition on our state ballot.  The few words he told me about the initiative let me know immediately I was not in favor of it….really not in favor of it.   I said something to the effect that the initiative was unnecessary and went on in the library.  Then, my mind started racing.  I knew I would have to go out the same door and pass the same man.  Should I engage him in  a political discussion, or simply walk on by? 

He must’ve been having similar thoughts, as I could tell he was looking for me when I left the library.  Mustering up all the heart centered lovingkindness that I could, I listened to his position.  I politely read his ballot initiative.  I asked him one clarifying question which let me know I was adamantly against his political position.  I told him kindly I disagreed, wished him well, and went on my way. 

Back in the car, Harmony got an earful on how I hoped the man’s initiative was unsuccessful.  I could feel the energy of negative emotion within me.  Then I thought, what a contrast!  One minute I’m all blissed out, the next I’m all pissed off. 

I Love the Idea of You 

How easy it is to sit in silence and contemplate oneness.  How easy it is to be alone and feel a sense of love for everyone.  How easy it is to intellectualize valuing all beliefs and worldviews when they’re not in your face.  It’s easy to say we love people, when sometimes I wonder if it’s the idea of people we really love. 

I share this story because I’ve had so many people tell me they have the same experience.  They truly feel a sense of love for all people everywhere, but then get their buttons pushed sometimes when they interact with real live breathing people.  Has this ever happened to you? 

What to Do? 

So what are you going to do about this?  Are you going to avoid people altogether?  Are you going to just make sure you only get around people who think like you do?  Are you going to live, believing one thing (we are all one and deserving of love and respect) and acting another way entirely?  How can we move around in the real world, bumping into people with whom we may have disagreements, and still remain centered in love and oneness? 

Here’s a few quick suggestions… I’d love to hear how you deal with it… 

Prepare yourself before you go out– yes, do your meditation and spiritual practices, but also visualize seeing yourself interacting with people in a loving way.  If necessary, visualize putting on some spiritual armor which deflects negativity….both the perceived negativity coming from outside you….and the real negativity that comes from your judgment and own thoughts.   Anchor yourself in loving energy as you head out for the day….with an intention that nothing will shake you from that spot. 

Practice seeing Spirit everywhere in “training” situations — don’t wait for those emotional moments to arise.  Take moments to practice now in minimal interactive situations when you’re out in public seeing everyone as a spiritual being.  Silently bless people as you walk by them by saying something like “I see and honor your divinity”.   Make this a routine practice.  Then if your button gets pushed, you might stand a better chance of seeing Spirit in the other person. 

Have some tools ready just in case — recognize that you could unexpectedly be in an emotionally charged situation so script some standard ways of potentially responding.  One way is to train yourself that if you feel your emotions rising that you know you will automatically smile and be quiet or some similar strategy.  Excuse yourself from situations and physically move to another location.  The old “count to 10″ could work here too. 

Forgive yourself if you don’t live up to your expectations — no matter how much we try to live from love and kindness, we all get our buttons pushed and we react from time to time.  If it happens to you, forgive yourself….move on….see the gift in the experience….see the other person and the situation as your teacher….and let it go! 

So how do you handle it?  I’d love to hear your thoughts.  The positive evolution of the planet depends upon our standing firm on our personal beliefs, while honoring and respecting the beliefs of others.  This must be our practice.  We have to walk this talk.  I know I try.  And, as this story illustrates, sometimes I don’t succeed.  But I now see the gift the person gave me, the learning that occured, my personal evolution moved another step forward. 

By the way, after a left the library, I went to Whole Foods and ate lunch.  I had to laugh when I realized that I had to regroup at someplace where I knew people would think like me.  It’s time to get back out in the real world again….this time a little wiser! 

Blessings. 

Mark

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Categories Bridge Building, Consciousness, Positive Evolution

Seven Simple Ways to Bring Love and Kindness into the World

February 24, 2010 //
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Bring Love Everywhere You Go!

Here are seven simple ways you can be the change you want to see in the world.  Seek to practice as many of these as you can each day.  You will be making a difference in your life and the planet.

1   Make Eye Contact

It’s so easy to get locked in our own internal world that we forget that we are walking among fellow spiritual beings.  Look up.  See the other person.  Look in their eyes.  Don’t get discouraged if they look away.  Keep looking, you will connect with many beautiful souls.  Affirm: today I look in the eyes of everyone I see.

2   Smile

Now that you’re looking at people, smile.  Think of all the expressions you’ve ever seen in other people’s faces.  What would you rather see?  Give the smile you want to receive.  Affirm: today, I smile at everyone.

3  Be Consciously Polite

Look for ways to display good manners.  Say please and thank you.  Hold doors.  Let people in to your lane on the highway.  Affirm: today, I am consciously polite in every possible situation.

4  Listen

There is no greater gift we can give to a person than to listen when they are speaking. When someone speaks to you, give them your undivided attention.  If you were doing something else, let go of it for a moment.  Focus on what they’re saying, not on what you were doing previously or what you’re going to say in response. Affirm: today, I listen deeply to every person who speaks to me.

5  Give Your Energy to Goodness

Recognize that whatever you give your attention and focus to grows in your life.  When those around you are being negative, be polite, but don’t buy in to their negativity.  Avoid rumors, talking about others negatively behind their back, and the like.  Turn off negative media.  On the other hand, consciously look for positive actions and positive statements out in the world and reinforce it.  When someone exhibits kindness or makes a positive comment, acknowledge it.  Seek out affirmative media.  Affirm: today, I see and give my energy to goodness in the world.

6  Take the Other’s Perspective

Let go of the need to be right and to change other people’s minds.  Hold healthy boundaries for yourself and your beliefs, but look for ways to understand how others think and why they think that way.  When someone states an opinion or exhibits a behavior with which you disagree, try to imagine how and why that could be their choice in that moment.  Briefly visualize how their life might have led them to having that worldview or opinion.  With that in mind, hold compassion for them.  You don’t have to agree with them, condone their behavior, or change their mind.  Affirm: today, I seek to understand those who believe differently.

7  Bring Acts of Love, and Kindness into the World

Consciously and deliberately look for ways to instigate loving mischief all around you.  Freely give compliments.  Pay for other people’s meals.  Notice ways others are being kind in the world and copy it.  Be the love you want to see in the world.  Set an intention every day to perform a certain number of kind acts each day and then keep increasing it.  Pass along positive e-mails such as this one.  Affirm: today, I bring acts of love and kindness everywhere I go.

What additional ways can you think of to bring love and kindness into the world?  Add your thoughts to this note and pass it on to your friends now.  Feel free to give me your ideas as well.

Namaste.

Mark

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Categories Bridge Building, Change Agent, Consciousness, Culture

Let Go of the Need to be “Right”

February 12, 2010 //
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Your choice--to be right or kind?

Have you ever received one of those e-mails where you could feel your emotions rising in response to the note and then you said to yourself “that’s just not right, I’ve got to set them straight.” Your emotion might even rise in proportion to the number of recipients on the e-mail. The more people who received the misperceptions and misstatements by the author of the original note will generally lead to a greater desire in your mind to “reply to all” so everyone knows ” the truth.” So with this emotional reaction brewing in the background, you set out typing your note to prove your point.

For those of you who use e-mail to communicate a lot, you’ve probably been here. You have probably even hit the send button a few times. If you have, then like me, you’ve experienced that this often leads to disagreements, hurt feelings, and a lot of time trying to smooth things over. Working in management for many years, I’ve had to step into and help resolve quite a few staff disputes that could’ve been avoided if only the send button had not been hit.

Here’s some quick advice if you ever find yourself in the situation… don’t reply right away…. Sit on it for at least a day if you can… if you need to type your thoughts out to process your feelings, save the note in a draft and don’t send it… hopefully after the emotions subside and you get a little time and distance from the original note, you will realize that sending an emotionally charged “reply to all” note would not be the best course of action…. If you still feel any emotion around the issue coupled with a continued need to reply, then I suggest you talk to the person rather than use e-mail. Best of all is when you can see the situation in a new light and let go of the need to be right.

I had this situation come up recently… the specifics are unimportant… other than I could recognize that behind the words of the other person was a desire in their mind to be right… it was one of those backhanded compliments where they should have stopped with the complement, but felt compelled to add a few extra words which unfortunately only served to undermine the complement. I immediately felt an emotional reaction and begin typing a reply. Over the next few minutes, my reply melted from a caustic “reply to all” missile to a slightly less negative reply back only to the author to my ultimate action of canceling the note altogether. I came to see that setting this other person right was truly unimportant.

Why the change? In the back of my mind I kept hearing Wayne Dyer’s quote “when given the choice between being right and being kind, always choose being kind.” The more I could step back and witness the unfolding of these events, the more I realized that in the big scheme of things my “correcting” this other person was more about me than it was about them. It usually is.

We all battle these moments when we feel the internal desire to prove that we right and someone else is wrong. Most often this occurs in conversations. It’s harder to take a timeout when you’re talking with someone face-to-face than it is in e-mail communications. Yet it is truly helpful to recognize when any emotional reactions may be arising and to pause before replying. Try seeing if there is something inside you saying you need to “defend yourself” and “prove you are right.” If you can build a slight gap in these moments, then you stand a better chance of choosing a kind reply rather than reacting emotionally. Ultimately you may even build the skill of being able to let go of the attachment to be right in those moments.

I can hear some of you right now saying “but I am right and they are wrong, and I need to correct them.” Maybe. Sometimes. It’s been my experience that more often than not our desire to be right at the expense of another is motivated by factors such as low self-esteem. What are we afraid of if we simply let the issue go? Are we concerned about the judgments of others? Are we concerned about our judgment of ourselves? Why? What’s the worst thing that could happen if you simply let it go? These are questions worth pondering. I know it’s scary that you might discover some hidden aspect of yourself that might need healing.

To be clear, I’m not saying you need to give in on every conflict, nor to not have healthy boundaries. There are times when we do need to stand up for our position. I’m simply asking you to stop and weigh your motives. What is the real intention in your reply? In the big picture of life, how important is it in this situation to be right?

The more energy we give to conflicts, the more conflicts grow in our life. The more energy we give to love and kindness, the more love and kindness we grow in our life. Every day, each of us have a choice in our sphere of influence to decide if we want to bring more conflict or more love, to be right at the expense of another or to be kind. Every day in these choices whether we realize it or not, we are contributing to the future of the planet. When we choose love and kindness in our lives, we are growing love and kindness on the planet.

Peace.

Mark

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Categories Bridge Building, Consciousness, Positive Evolution