Archives for posts with tag: change thinking
« Older Entries

To Live For

August 25, 2010 //
1

What in your life is truly “to live for”?  Today, I’m going to teach you a simple game that my wife, Mary, and I have found useful in shifting how we look at life.  We call this process simply…. ”to live for”.

Genesis

It all started when Mary and I would have these experiences that we would describe as “to die for”.  This is a common phrase that many of us use to describe a moment that is so fantastically wonderful that we can hardly believe it.  We started questioning using the phrase “to die for” in relation to these moments as it seemed somewhat negative.  Why die for this experience?  So for a while we began using the phrase “to come back for” implying that this experience was so uniquely filled with a combination of sensory pleasure that if we were to die, we would want to come back to earth to have this experience again.  Eventually, we began using the phrase “to live for”.

Although I’m not positive as to the first exact moment we began using this practice, my earliest recollection was from around four years ago.  We had just returned from a week in Kauai where we had been married on the beach at sunrise.  Our trip had been filled with many magical moments that were to live for.  Back at home, we sat down and reviewed together the journals we had kept on our trip.  As we did this, we took turns describing in vivid detail exquisite moments from our vacation.  Mary’s glorious descriptions of a particular experience would launch in my mind a sense of pleasure from that shared moment.  My verbal recollections would ignite pleasure within her.

Eventually, this process grew into something we would do whenever we wished to truly sense how glorious life is.  Sometimes, we would use it to get out of a feeling of negativity that had come over us.  Other times, it was a way of vividly recalling a moment whose essence we hoped would never fade.  No matter what the intent, it always shifted our thinking to realizing what a gift it is to be alive.

The Process

So the process is pretty simple — all you need to do is to recollect a moment in your life that was truly special and then verbalize it with great feeling and detail.  It can be one of those big moments like the birth of a child or grandchild… or a seemingly “small moment” that opened you up somehow.  The more emotion you can interject into your description, the more this process shifts your thinking.

We like to close our description off with words like “that was truly to live for”.  The next person would then give their description of their “to live for” moment.  Two people can go back and forth like Mary and I do… or you can go around a circle in a small group.  And although you can do this on your own, I find it has great power in hearing the descriptions of other people.  Their descriptions of their “to live for” moments jogs your memory of your own!

Some Examples

I can still remember the birth of my first child… although I was supposed to be in the delivery room, due to a nursing shift change at a moment that I had been asked to step out of the room, no one thought to bring me back in… in my mind I was waiting to return to the delivery room when the nurse came and told me that I had a little girl.  There was this feeling of confusion and a moment of hurt at missing being in the room at her birth that immediately dissipated at the sight of my daughter.  Disappointment shifted in an instant to overwhelming joy.  Seeing that little face and those little hands and that new life entering into the world filled me with such love there are no words to describe the feeling.  Tears rolled down my face and my heart opened to a level that I had never experienced before… that moment was truly to live for.

My chocolate lab, Harmony, lives to play ball.  When I get up each morning, we go out back and play ball.  When I leave home and come back, she insists that we maintain our routine and we go out back and play ball.  Frequently we go to the local park and play ball.  Always, I toss the tennis ball out and she brings it back and drops it at my feet. Eventually as we play more, her tongue begins to hang out… yet joy fills her face.  If I hold the ball for a moment to allow her to catch her breath, she starts circling around in a sort of dance — each circle ending with her facing me excitedly.  The front part of her body lowers as if in a bow.  Behind, her tail wags fiercely in all directions reminding me of a helicopter propeller.  Her joy brings me joy… those moments are truly to live for.

Mary and I went snowshoeing in the mountains.  As we trekked further into the woods, we experienced a unique sense of calm and peacefulness.  We stopped to soak up the moment.  There was a strange quietness in the air.  The cool crispness of the winter atmosphere connected us with our surroundings.  It was magical.  It was spiritual.  The beauty of the snow gracing the trees and the ground, untouched by human hands, the perfect quiet — our senses were filled to overflowing by the beauty of the moment and our eyes met — it was a moment to live for.

Make It Your Own

Recently Mary and I co-facilitated a portion of a spiritual retreat in the Rockies of Colorado.  The intention for our segment was to foster a sense of the love of Spirit in the participants. As we planned our processes, Mary suggested we use our “to live for” game.  What better way to feel the love of Spirit in our lives she pointed out, than to open ourselves to the rich vividness of those “to live for” moments?  She was right.  After we modeled our process, we divided the attendees up into pairs and let them go.  They didn’t want to stop sharing their “to live for” moments when we called time.

Since then, Mary and I have received wonderful feedback from the participants on how they are using this simple process in their lives.  A couple of women who are in a knitting group are using the tool whenever others in the group start complaining about their lives.  They told us it shifts the energy of the group from the negative to the positive.  Another attendee told me he used the process with a large dinner group.  Their vivid descriptions went around the circle for over two hours.  (And, he tells me he’s going to use the idea in one chapter of his next book).  Another attendee, who is a trainer, told us she is using the idea in one of her classes.

Mary and I are pleased that this simple game we used in our relationship has touched others.  It is their stories of the power of this process that called me to share it more broadly here.  Try it out.  Change it to fit your life and your needs.  Make it your own.  And above all, have fun with it.

So what in your life is “to live for”?

Blessings!

Mark Gilbert

PS if you enjoy Conscious Bridge, please friend us on Facebook or subscribe to the feed on our website — and pass along to your friends!

Tags , , ,
Categories Change Agent, Featured Article, Spirituality

Are You Open to Evolving Your Beliefs on Relationships?

May 21, 2010 //
0

Today we continue looking at some examples of beliefs that people hold that it might be time to reconsider.  Again, no judgment but simply offered as food for thought.  This time the focus is on relationships.

Do You See Yourself in Any of These Beliefs?

I love my spouse but they’ve got some habits that really get on my nerves.  I really love them but there are these few things I would really like to change about them. 

I spent all this time raising these kids, now they’re adults and they won’t listen to what I say.  They’ve got their own thoughts and beliefs about everything — raising kids, religion, what they think is the best job for them, where to live and so on.  I’ve tried everything to get them to change their minds and see things my way.  Sometimes it’s like I’m talking to a brick wall.  I know they must know how disappointed I am in them. 

I love my parents but I wish they would not meddle in all of my affairs.  I’m grown now and I have my own thoughts about how to do things.  If I try to tell them how I want to handle stuff, they either don’t listen or get mad. If I do what they say, then I’m unhappy.  I don’t do what they say, they get mad at me and I’m unhappy.   I can’t win.  

My boss is driving me crazy.  He makes impossible demands, giving me assignments where I have to change what I’m working on.  He’s never happy with the work product.  He shows favoritism to other employees.  I can’t seem to please him. 

I really want to be in a committed relationship with a loving partner.  Every time I find somebody that I think is the right one, things just don’t work out.  I know it’s not me because I showered them with my love, gave them everything they wanted, but they left. 

I just don’t seem to have any close friends in my life.  The people around me, I just don’t seem to have anything in common with.  I don’t feel like getting close to them.  I can’t seem to attract into my life friends who have the same interests as me.

If You Think the Problem Is Out There, That Thought Is the Real Problem

If you see yourself in any of the above scenarios, then here are some thoughts for you to consider… but they will only resonate with you if you are open to evolving your beliefs on relationships….

You can’t control other people, you can only control yourself.  Don’t try to control them. 

Other people have lived their own lives which have led them to their own beliefs.  It’s unrealistic to think that they are going to believe and act just as you do. 

Whenever you find yourself pointing at another person as the source of your problems, stop and consider what role your thoughts and beliefs may be playing in creating the situation.  Consider how you might change your thoughts about the relationship. 

If you want to attract love into your life, then love people — all people.  Be love. 

Avoid smothering people with your love.  If you truly love someone, then you allow them the freedom to be who they are called to be.  This includes loving them even if they choose not to be with you. 

Be who you need to be even if there are others in your life who want you to be different.  Understand where they’re coming from and love them even if they’re trying to control you.  If you let them, you will resent it and be unhappy and it will impact your relationship.  If you follow your heart and do what you’re called to do, although you may have to deal with their displeasure, you will ultimately be happier. 

If you want to attract friendships into your life, be a friend to everyone.  Be open to friendships that present themselves to you.

Be a connector.  When appropriate, introduce people you know who have something in common to each other.  Help others to make new friends. 

Look for ways to give and serve other people in all areas of your life. 

Be the love you want to see in the world.

Are there any of these suggestions that you agree with?  Disagree?  Do you have any other suggestions?  I’d love to hear!

Mark

Tags , , , ,
Categories Consciousness, Culture, Featured Article, Positive Evolution

Things Are Getting Worse? Things Are Getting Better? You Make the Call…

May 7, 2010 //
2

So how are things going in your life?  And by that, I mean all areas of your life… your physical health, relationships, job and career, expressing your talent, finances, spiritual growth… yet beyond your personal life, I also mean your community and global life… when you look around “out there” beyond your own day-to-day life to those areas that seem to be beyond your control… the community you live in, your government, companies and corporations, the entire planet… how does it look like things are going “out there”?

Two events occurred yesterday which brought this question to mind.  First, at the spiritual center where I work, we had a meeting yesterday afternoon where for a brief period we discussed our neighborhood and the changes we perceived “out there” and their potential impact on our center.  Then last night, my wife and I attended a student event at the middle school where she teaches.  Afterwards on the way home, we talked about how recently the climate both in the school and “out there” in the neighborhood surrounding the school appeared to be headed in a less than desirable direction.

Coincidentally, both conversations followed the same path.  In neither case did we fall into the trap of spiraling down into negativity complaining about how “bad things were”.  Instead there was simply an acknowledgment of what was less than desired.  And then with that contrast outlined, in both conversations we moved into the vision of where we saw life headed… we focused our attention both on our positive vision for the future and how the conditions “out there” gave us an opportunity to move towards that vision.

I have written many times about how our thoughts, words and actions have energy and that where we focus that energy determines what we are going to grow in our lives.  Life “out there” continuously calls out for our attention.  A lot of what we see is not what we want.  All of us can benefit from continuous reminders not to be spending our mental energy in the direction we don’t really want to go.  As people begin to see the truth in how “thoughts are things”, they often limit the power of their thoughts to only the relatively small area of their individual life.  It’s generally easier to see how my thoughts and deeds can impact the tiny bubble of life around me than it is see how they can make a difference in the gigantic world “out there”.  But they do.

In both conversations yesterday, if we had spent our energy complaining about changes “out there” that were less than what we desired, then we would have contributed to growing more of that undesirable state of affairs.  I know that in both cases life is moving in a positive direction.  More good is being expressed in life.

As more of us individually turn away from feeding the negative and growing the positive “out there”, then the more we will all see positive results.  Each of us has a responsibility not only for the direction of our individual life but also for the direction of the planet.  So how are things going in your life?  Where ever you see less than what you want… both in your personal life and in the “larger life out there”…, acknowledge the condition, visualize the positive on the other side of the current condition and focus yourself — your thoughts, words and actions — in the positive direction you know is possible.  So are things getting worse or are things getting better?  Ultimately, you make the call…

Mark

Tags ,
Categories Consciousness, Featured Article, Positive Evolution

See the Good Everywhere You Look…Even in Bad News

March 29, 2010 //
2

Moving to Love

Here’s your assignment for today and everyday… no matter what life looks like “out there”, see the good in it… see the perfection that is playing out for yourself and the world.  I admit this is hard sometimes, especially when we immerse ourselves in the news of the day. 

As I write this, the headline in the New York Times today is about suicide bombers who killed dozens of people in a Moscow subway.  The story is horrific.  Where is there any good in this? 

My heart goes out to all the people who were impacted by this tragedy.  I’m sure yours does too.  Neither of us would ever choose for an event like this to occur.  It seems like so much of the news which makes it to our senses are events like these, global or local. 

I want to stress that when we moved to see good everywhere we look, even in these tragic events, doesn’t mean that we would choose for these tragic events to occur.  What it means is that we can look at an event that is something we would never wish to occur, and we can look beyond it and focus our attention and energy on the potential good that is occurring beyond the horrible events. 

When we use our thoughts, words, and deeds, we are directing our energy in a specific direction.  When bad news occurs and our hearts are open, we are at a choice point.  Yes, we feel sympathy and sadness, that’s normal.  What are we going to think, say and do next? 

Choosing fear 

On the one hand, we can see this news as reaffirming our fears that the world is going to hell.  It can feed a sense that everything is out of control… and who am I to change its direction?  I can feel a sense of powerlessness and despair over our future.  These emotions can lead me into talking and acting out of fear.  I begin telling everyone the world is a dangerous place, people are not to be trusted, we need to protect ourselves and folks like us… I began developing a bunker-like mentality where I attempt to close myself off from the world….fearing anyone who is different.  If this is how we react to negative news, then it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.  We help to create the world we fear. 

Choosing love 

On the other hand, we can move beyond her sadness over the negative news and ask ourselves questions such as — what good can come from this?  Or, how can I choose the highest and most positive response in relation to these events?  Instead of fear, we respond with love.  Instead of shutting ourselves off from the world, we look for ways to connect us all.  We visualize the world would like to create, and we move our energy in that direction.  We help to create the world of our dreams. 

Moving forward to love 

So how can we respond to events such as the Moscow suicide bombers?  After feeling normal emotions such as anger, disappointment, and sympathy towards those lives touched by the event, how can we move forward?  

Here are some suggestions, but don’t let my ideas limit you from seeing other good: 

  • It used to be the tragedies around the world didn’t seem to impact us personally as much as they do now… could it be that such events that occur far away are expanding our circle of people for whom we have care and concern such that the world is shrinking in our minds?
  • Could it be that more and more people around the world are so touched by these tragedies that we are reaching a critical mass of people who say “no more” and move more towards nonviolence as a means of solving differences?
  • Could it be that this event opened my heart a little bit more?  Could it be that today in my interactions with everyone I’m going to act more from love?

What are you going to choose? 

Mark

Tags ,
Categories Consciousness, Positive Evolution

You Always Have a Choice

March 15, 2010 //
0

What's your choice?

This fact seems so basic, but it’s so easy to forget.  Is there an area in your life were you feel you don’t have a choice?

Most metaphysical teachings such as the Science of Mind and Spirit, advise us that we have the freedom to choose our thoughts, words and actions.  They tell us if we change our thinking, we can change our lives.

Easy Choices to Harder Choices

Many people when they encounter these teachings for the first time can think of plenty of examples in their life where they feel they have no choice.  Sure they can see where they have a choice in what clothes they wear each day, what food they eat their meals, which TV program they watch, etc. But when it gets to the bigger issues, it’s frequently harder to see where we have a choice.

If I don’t like my job but I need the security of its income, where’s my choice?  If I find myself in a bad relationship but we have kids to raise, where’s my choice?  If I find myself taking care of an elderly parent which keeps me from doing other things, where’s my choice?  You can fill in your own situation here where you feel you have no choice.

Seeing Choice in Harder Situations

No matter which situation we take, no matter how “choice-less” it seems, we can find choices in it.  You don’t like your job but you feel you need the income?  Okay.  Then I suggest you take a look at your job and identify any areas that you like and focus on enjoying them.  Focus on growing them if possible.  Identify what really brings you pleasure in life, and then brainstorm possibilities of where you can bring these expressions into your job.  In other words, where in your work can you grow your passion?  Where can you bring more love?  How can you serve at a higher level?  How can you be a positive force for the world in your current job?  The key is to envision a positive future, see where your passions and interests move you towards that future, and then try to find any alignment between your passions and that positive future that can be served for your work.  To quote Wayne Dyer, “when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”

And, although I’m not suggesting you at your job, frequently a new job is the best path.  I’ve heard stories from so many people who were fired from a job that they thought they had no choice in leaving.  They couldn’t release it on their own, so the universe opened the possibility for them.  Every person who’s ever told me such a story, after some time and the fear and the hurt has passed, tell me that being fired was a gift.  It freed them to see they had a choice.  It freed them to find a new career, where they could align their passions and purpose and bring meaning to their lives.

Again, every situation has choices.  Even Viktor Frankl who found himself in a Nazi concentration camp wrote about the freedom he had.  He found freedom within, in his thoughts.  No matter how bad the situation “out there” in the physical world is, no matter how much ” out there” seems to limit our freedom, we always have the freedom of how we look at life.

As people continue to practice these principles, they begin to see more and more where they have choices in their lives.  They began to open all areas of their lives to greater possibilities.  They experience choice in their thoughts and actions regarding their jobs, careers, income, relationships, opportunities for creative expression, health, and more.

Do You Still Have Areas Where You Believe You Have No Choice?

Yet no matter how skilled people become in taking ownership in how their life unfolds, no matter how good they get at manifesting a positive life through the power of their thoughts, many people hit some area where they feel they have no choice.  Sometimes these choice-less areas are hard to see.  So even if you believe you’ve mastered the power of positive thinking, I would encourage you to explore the boundaries of life where you feel you have no choice in bringing choice to them.

So where do you believe you have no choice?

Is it in some of the areas already mentioned… jobs, careers, relationships?

Is it in the highest expression of your unique creative abilities?  Is there some talent in you that you want to express the don’t see where you have the choice to do so?

Is it in some habit that you believe you cannot shake?

Is it making a difference on the planet?  Is it in healing the divisiveness of people?  Is it an ending war and injustice?  Is it in bringing equity to all in their standard of living?

Is there some aspect of your personal life or some aspect of the role you play in planetary life that just seems so overwhelming that it is beyond anything you can “do” about it through the power of choice?  Change that thought.  You can do it.

The highest possibilities for planet Earth and the future of humanity calls for everyone to see the power they hold in all their personal choices, great and small, and to choose wisely.

Mark

Tags , ,
Categories Consciousness, Positive Evolution

How to Multiply Your Consciousness

March 2, 2010 //
4

 

We are all change agents!

Most people want to make the world a better place. I suspect that you do. Would it not be wonderful to live in a world where there is peace and prosperity for all… everyone has the opportunity to succeed… where everyone honors everyone else and their beliefs… a world that works for everyone?

So how do we get that world? As I know, you know, it begins with each and everyone of us. It begins with our own thoughts, our words, our deeds. It begins in our own consciousness as we shift how we look at the world. We let go of focusing our awareness on where the world is less than what we want turning from those conditions, and focusing on the positive. We give our mental energy to that which we desire to expand. As each and every one of us shifts our consciousness to the highest possibilities of what our lives, our country, and our planet can be, we grow the world in that direction.

So how do we get more people to shift their consciousness in that direction? So how do you multiply your consciousness? I recognize that question can be taken a couple ways.

Expand your Consciousness

On the one hand, you might see multiplying your consciousness as meaning expanding your consciousness to higher levels of awareness. How do you expand your consciousness? Of course, it begins with the intent to do so. But beyond that, it involves a regular spiritual practice being woven into your life. It means spending time each day, communing with the Divine, with God. It means expanding your awareness through this process of recognizing and sensing at the deepest level of your being that you are one with everyone and everything. As that awareness expands, your love expands outward from you in all directions encompassing all that is. With this love comes compassion and a desire to serve.

Expand your Service

It is in this concept of service that we see a path to the second way of multiplying your consciousness. We look out on life and recognize that the consciousness that is within us is also in every other person. We carry our sense of uniqueness and individuality that senses that the consciousness within us is “ours”. This same sense points at other people and sees their internal awareness as “theirs”. As we grow in our awareness of Oneness, we begin to hold an interesting dichotomy. We continue to recognize our individuality, yet also become aware that each and every personal consciousness is part of one Mind. Our personal consciousness was already “multiplied” all the time, we just didn’t know it.

This awareness coupled with a desire to serve frequently opens us to the questions of “how can I make a difference?” and “how can I grow the consciousness of the planet in a positive direction?” In other words, how can I from the level of my new awareness assist others in releasing thoughts and beliefs that no longer serve them or the world, to recognize our interconnectedness and to turn their focus to our highest possibilities?

Be the Change

We must always remember that we cannot “control” or “change” other people. The only person we have control over is ourselves. So in our call to service, we begin with ourselves and our own thinking and our own actions. We begin in our own “sphere of influence.” As we change ourselves we serve as a model for others. Our actions open others to creating their own change. In this way, we actually do in a certain sense “multiply consciousness”.

What I invite you to see is that how you show up in life creates this ripple effect in others. You actually do have the ability to multiply consciousness. You do it all the time, often without your awareness. The question now becomes “in what direction do you want it to grow?”

We are all change agents, whether we like it or not. We all have a responsibility for our collective growth, whether we consciously accept it or not. It’s time for all of us to become conscious change agents for a world that works for everyone.

Mark

Tags , , , , ,
Categories Consciousness, Science and Spirit

When was the Best Moment of Your Life?

February 18, 2010 //
0

Any Moment Can Be the Best One!

This question was at the heart of a Japanese film that I watched today called “After Life.”  The premise of the movie was that after you died you went to this way station for a week where counselors helped you select your favorite moment from throughout your life.  After you made your selection, they re-created the moment ushering you on into eternity forever living that experience.  As I reflected upon what my choice might be, I thought it would be extremely difficult to choose just one outstanding memory.  My life is then filled with so many glorious experiences, choosing only one would be almost an impossible task.

I didn’t plan to watch this movie today.  In fact, the past two days have been filled with a lot of good moments.  I’ve been attending the first combined annual business conference for the United Centers for Spiritual Living and the International Centers for Spiritual Living as the two organizations that teach the Science of Mind are reuniting after a more than 50 year split.  It’s been a truly historic occasion filled with many deeply moving moments.  I was looking forward to being at the sessions today but skipped them after coming down with chills and fever last night.  Instead, today was a day for chicken noodle soup and laying in front of the TV.  I was not quite sure why I chose a Japanese movie with subtitles as a means of recuperation.

Perhaps, the movie chose me.  Could it be that as I lay there, wishing I felt better, wishing I was at the conference, wishing that my current experience was a different experience was maybe the best moment to reflect upon the best moment of my life?

Now, if you ask me what the best moment in my life has been, you’d probably hear me talk about moments such as when Mary and I got married in Hawaii a few years ago, or the births of my children and grandchildren, or oh so many wonderful moments as my children grew up, or the night that my dog Harmony came into my life, or great moments in my long government career or ones on the path into the ministry… they are plenty more special moments in my memory where these came from.  I suspect most of us have a very similar list.

Interestingly, the people in the film, frequently chose very common moments… but always moments filled with meaningful emotion for them.  It was a beautiful reminder that every moment and any moment can be a special moment.  From weddings and births and other joy filled thresholds we cross in life… to historic conferences… to the experience of beautiful sunrises and sunsets… to those moments we feel so deeply bonded with others… to, yes, even those moments when were laying on the sofa with a fever… every moment has the potential to be the best moment of your life.  The choice is up to us.

Mark

Tags
Categories Consciousness, Positive Evolution

Let Go of the Need to be “Right”

February 12, 2010 //
2

Your choice--to be right or kind?

Have you ever received one of those e-mails where you could feel your emotions rising in response to the note and then you said to yourself “that’s just not right, I’ve got to set them straight.” Your emotion might even rise in proportion to the number of recipients on the e-mail. The more people who received the misperceptions and misstatements by the author of the original note will generally lead to a greater desire in your mind to “reply to all” so everyone knows ” the truth.” So with this emotional reaction brewing in the background, you set out typing your note to prove your point.

For those of you who use e-mail to communicate a lot, you’ve probably been here. You have probably even hit the send button a few times. If you have, then like me, you’ve experienced that this often leads to disagreements, hurt feelings, and a lot of time trying to smooth things over. Working in management for many years, I’ve had to step into and help resolve quite a few staff disputes that could’ve been avoided if only the send button had not been hit.

Here’s some quick advice if you ever find yourself in the situation… don’t reply right away…. Sit on it for at least a day if you can… if you need to type your thoughts out to process your feelings, save the note in a draft and don’t send it… hopefully after the emotions subside and you get a little time and distance from the original note, you will realize that sending an emotionally charged “reply to all” note would not be the best course of action…. If you still feel any emotion around the issue coupled with a continued need to reply, then I suggest you talk to the person rather than use e-mail. Best of all is when you can see the situation in a new light and let go of the need to be right.

I had this situation come up recently… the specifics are unimportant… other than I could recognize that behind the words of the other person was a desire in their mind to be right… it was one of those backhanded compliments where they should have stopped with the complement, but felt compelled to add a few extra words which unfortunately only served to undermine the complement. I immediately felt an emotional reaction and begin typing a reply. Over the next few minutes, my reply melted from a caustic “reply to all” missile to a slightly less negative reply back only to the author to my ultimate action of canceling the note altogether. I came to see that setting this other person right was truly unimportant.

Why the change? In the back of my mind I kept hearing Wayne Dyer’s quote “when given the choice between being right and being kind, always choose being kind.” The more I could step back and witness the unfolding of these events, the more I realized that in the big scheme of things my “correcting” this other person was more about me than it was about them. It usually is.

We all battle these moments when we feel the internal desire to prove that we right and someone else is wrong. Most often this occurs in conversations. It’s harder to take a timeout when you’re talking with someone face-to-face than it is in e-mail communications. Yet it is truly helpful to recognize when any emotional reactions may be arising and to pause before replying. Try seeing if there is something inside you saying you need to “defend yourself” and “prove you are right.” If you can build a slight gap in these moments, then you stand a better chance of choosing a kind reply rather than reacting emotionally. Ultimately you may even build the skill of being able to let go of the attachment to be right in those moments.

I can hear some of you right now saying “but I am right and they are wrong, and I need to correct them.” Maybe. Sometimes. It’s been my experience that more often than not our desire to be right at the expense of another is motivated by factors such as low self-esteem. What are we afraid of if we simply let the issue go? Are we concerned about the judgments of others? Are we concerned about our judgment of ourselves? Why? What’s the worst thing that could happen if you simply let it go? These are questions worth pondering. I know it’s scary that you might discover some hidden aspect of yourself that might need healing.

To be clear, I’m not saying you need to give in on every conflict, nor to not have healthy boundaries. There are times when we do need to stand up for our position. I’m simply asking you to stop and weigh your motives. What is the real intention in your reply? In the big picture of life, how important is it in this situation to be right?

The more energy we give to conflicts, the more conflicts grow in our life. The more energy we give to love and kindness, the more love and kindness we grow in our life. Every day, each of us have a choice in our sphere of influence to decide if we want to bring more conflict or more love, to be right at the expense of another or to be kind. Every day in these choices whether we realize it or not, we are contributing to the future of the planet. When we choose love and kindness in our lives, we are growing love and kindness on the planet.

Peace.

Mark

Tags , ,
Categories Bridge Building, Consciousness, Positive Evolution

Let’s All Wave the White Flag

February 11, 2010 //
2

Photo used by permission--Jan Jacobsen

When thinking of waving a white flag, what meaning comes up for you? Yes, it means surrender, but what does “surrender” mean? For many of us the image of waving a white flag means that some other external something has beaten us down into submission. It’s easy to visualize a battlefield where one side has lost and they wave the white flag to acknowledge they are giving up. Hence, waving a white flag for most of us has a negative connotation. We tried something, and we failed.

Let’s replace that old vision with a new one. Let’s visualize a scene that you’ve probably seen in a movie at some time in your life. Two groups are warring, and in the middle of the pain and struggle, one side seeks to stop the fighting and to open the flow of dialogue. A white flag is raised as if to say “hold on a moment, let’s talk”. The instigator, in a moment of great vulnerability, reaches out to the other side. Can you see it?

I like this scene a whole lot better. In this case, the white flag doesn’t mean “I’m giving up, you win, I lose.” Here it means, “let’s let go of the struggle for a moment and contemplate a better path.”

We all have our battles in life. We all have those things we struggle against. Where are you struggling? Do you feel like your work is a battle? Are there issues in your relationships… be it your spouse, a friend or relative, a coworker… where it seems that things are about winning and losing? Are you warring with your mind as you sit on your meditation cushion? Do you “battle” your weight with diets and exercise? Are you pushing back against your intuition or a sense of an inner calling to do more with your life? Where is your energy being spent “against something”?

Yesterday morning in my meditation, these strange ideas started floating into my awareness. Each morning I set an intention for topics, ideas and wisdom to flow through me for that day’s writing. Sometimes what I’m called to write comes to me during the meditation. Yet yesterday I found myself trying to push away thoughts around the Wizard of Oz and shadow governments. The more I judged them crazy and tried to stop them, the more energy they seemed to have. Finally, I surrendered, I waved my white flag to the thoughts. I let go of the struggle, and as I released into the sense that Spirit always guides and protects me, the article “Surrender Dorothy to the Powers That Be” came through. As I surrendered, what came was a message about surrender. How fitting.

It’s time for all of us to wave the white flag. It’s time to let go of our struggles for a moment and contemplate a better path. As it’s often stated, what you resist persists. That which you fight continues to expand in your life. To paraphrase Ernest Holmes, countries that prepare for war most certainly go to war. If you are preparing for war in any aspect of your life, it’s time to mentally raise the white flag, to step out from behind any mental barriers you created to protect yourself and to be vulnerable with Life. Spirit or Life will protect you and guide you if only you let go and trust.

Mark

Tags ,
Categories Consciousness, Positive Evolution
« Older Entries