I love you, now move on please....
The other day, I was in a very beautiful place. I started my day with my usual meditation, got into my writing, felt the flow of oneness moving through my words. I truly felt connected to Spirit. Then I went out in “the real world.”
I got my chocolate lab, Harmony, and I drove over to the library. After parking and then approaching the entrance, a man came up to me and asked me to sign a petition to get a proposition on our state ballot. The few words he told me about the initiative let me know immediately I was not in favor of it….really not in favor of it. I said something to the effect that the initiative was unnecessary and went on in the library. Then, my mind started racing. I knew I would have to go out the same door and pass the same man. Should I engage him in a political discussion, or simply walk on by?
He must’ve been having similar thoughts, as I could tell he was looking for me when I left the library. Mustering up all the heart centered lovingkindness that I could, I listened to his position. I politely read his ballot initiative. I asked him one clarifying question which let me know I was adamantly against his political position. I told him kindly I disagreed, wished him well, and went on my way.
Back in the car, Harmony got an earful on how I hoped the man’s initiative was unsuccessful. I could feel the energy of negative emotion within me. Then I thought, what a contrast! One minute I’m all blissed out, the next I’m all pissed off.
I Love the Idea of You
How easy it is to sit in silence and contemplate oneness. How easy it is to be alone and feel a sense of love for everyone. How easy it is to intellectualize valuing all beliefs and worldviews when they’re not in your face. It’s easy to say we love people, when sometimes I wonder if it’s the idea of people we really love.
I share this story because I’ve had so many people tell me they have the same experience. They truly feel a sense of love for all people everywhere, but then get their buttons pushed sometimes when they interact with real live breathing people. Has this ever happened to you?
What to Do?
So what are you going to do about this? Are you going to avoid people altogether? Are you going to just make sure you only get around people who think like you do? Are you going to live, believing one thing (we are all one and deserving of love and respect) and acting another way entirely? How can we move around in the real world, bumping into people with whom we may have disagreements, and still remain centered in love and oneness?
Here’s a few quick suggestions… I’d love to hear how you deal with it…
Prepare yourself before you go out– yes, do your meditation and spiritual practices, but also visualize seeing yourself interacting with people in a loving way. If necessary, visualize putting on some spiritual armor which deflects negativity….both the perceived negativity coming from outside you….and the real negativity that comes from your judgment and own thoughts. Anchor yourself in loving energy as you head out for the day….with an intention that nothing will shake you from that spot.
Practice seeing Spirit everywhere in “training” situations — don’t wait for those emotional moments to arise. Take moments to practice now in minimal interactive situations when you’re out in public seeing everyone as a spiritual being. Silently bless people as you walk by them by saying something like “I see and honor your divinity”. Make this a routine practice. Then if your button gets pushed, you might stand a better chance of seeing Spirit in the other person.
Have some tools ready just in case — recognize that you could unexpectedly be in an emotionally charged situation so script some standard ways of potentially responding. One way is to train yourself that if you feel your emotions rising that you know you will automatically smile and be quiet or some similar strategy. Excuse yourself from situations and physically move to another location. The old “count to 10″ could work here too.
Forgive yourself if you don’t live up to your expectations — no matter how much we try to live from love and kindness, we all get our buttons pushed and we react from time to time. If it happens to you, forgive yourself….move on….see the gift in the experience….see the other person and the situation as your teacher….and let it go!
So how do you handle it? I’d love to hear your thoughts. The positive evolution of the planet depends upon our standing firm on our personal beliefs, while honoring and respecting the beliefs of others. This must be our practice. We have to walk this talk. I know I try. And, as this story illustrates, sometimes I don’t succeed. But I now see the gift the person gave me, the learning that occured, my personal evolution moved another step forward.
By the way, after a left the library, I went to Whole Foods and ate lunch. I had to laugh when I realized that I had to regroup at someplace where I knew people would think like me. It’s time to get back out in the real world again….this time a little wiser!
Blessings.
Mark
I had this happen to me just the other day. A couple of friends disagreed with something I posted on Facebook. I was so surprised to find myself actually hurt by this. Aren’t we so blessed to live in a country that promotes and supports our right to speak freely? Isn’t that what makes us such an rich and powerful culture? I am so grateful for the right to speak my views, and deeply appreciative of the ability to think for myself, evaluate the different aspects of an idea, and then choose! So why does it bother me, even hurt me, when someone I am friends with disagrees?
The other morning I recognized the hurt, recognized my mind flying around with thoughts of this and that, how to respond, how not to respond, let it go, think about it some more, etc, etc. Finally, what struck me was the negativity! Yuck! What I didn’t like was the negativity of it all – so I blessed the experience, and let it go, finally! It’s okay to disagree, it’s okay to have different views, but the challenge is to stay in the spirit of the discussion, which is to (hopefully) share ideas in a positive and respectful way.
Namaste’
So, true, Liz.
The key as you describe is to be conscious of what is going on….to move from blindly reacting to being aware of your emotions and to act from choice.
Thanks.
Mark
I found this website this morning, read the article and thought, “huh, interesting, I’ll have to remember that.”
Then my former boss, whose existence in my universe infuriates me at times, barged into our office, where he no longer has the security access to be. And instead of thinking about what I wanted to say to him, I thought, “Where’s that article again?”
Thanks for the save, in advance.
You are welcome, Kathleen,
Thanks for the post….and good luck with that former boss.
Mark
Dear Mark, I have a theoretical reaction/response and an empirical response. My theoretical reaction is that we’ve all taken the seminar in one form or another regarding “dealing with difficult people.” Since we all have taken the course, no one who has taken the course could possibly be difficult himself – or maybe we’re all difficult in some way, at least at some occasions. By realizing that I am occasionally the fellow trying to “sell” the unpopular position and thus being difficult, I will have significant empathy for the poor Schlep who is in that situation now trying to relate to me.
My empirical response is that I have been reasonably well trained to see a sort of nebulous cluster of Spirit-driven religions as being part of some rubric called “new age.” …and I’m supposed to run in the other direction as fast as I can. Yet,the well-worn phrase “some of my best friends” really is the case with you and with at least two other vital people in my life. People who espouse views that are “out of the box” are only out of MY box, and I can make my box bigger any time I want for any reason or for no reason at all.
Thank you for always having expanded your box to include me!
Bernie,
Thanks for the comments….and thanks for allowing yourself to grow outside your box…..we all have boxes set by our past learning, many we don’t see as boxes….it is with wisdom that we begin to see the boxes that have defined our lives and take steps to move beyond them…you are to be congratulated for your wisdom.
Mark